Day 5 - 5th November 2009

Today we are leaving ICU my superstar has fought with everything she has and we are moving to a private ward in the Paedeiatrics (can never spell this word :) ) ward. We are officially out of ICU and in her own private ward. Little Nunu know one thing that everyone loves you so much and we have pasted all the pics and cards on the wall and we had to organise an extra tray on wheels to put all your soft toys on that everyone had brought... Kezzie calmed down instantly when we took her out of the room in ICU and she finally slept for more than 15-20 minutes at a time. I think the ICU room was scaring her... and now I could sleep at night with her... I think that also scared her ... I know it must have been scary to sleep at night without your mamma baby.. I dont care what people say.. I had both my kids sleeping in my room for the last 18 months and really dont care what anyone has to say... I have no regrets as I spent most of my time with them night and day and Kezzie used to sleep in the bed with me and Miggie on a matress at my feet and there is nothing nicer than going to sleep and hearing your kids breathing....now in ICU I was not allowed to sleep with her and now I can and I am so excited... I am wrestling with my dilemna and my religous beliefs and where everything fits in this confusing puzzle of life... from here on in I will be doing a few days at a time even though the progress could be seen hourly but I would like to catch up to where I am today... but Kezzie, mamma will not miss out anything so that you can read your own journey one day... today I told Kezzie what had happened to her as she was calmer ... she did not know what had happened and why this had happened to her.. I explained that her brain got hurt and that she had suffered what they call a stroke and that her brain's GPS had a short circuit and that she was in hospital and having all this medicine that we could fix her brain's GPS...I told her I was so proud to be called her mamma and that there was no greater honour than watching her fight for her life with such determination...I also told her that from now on I would be honest and tell her if they were going to hurt her or not... we made a mistake every time they injected her or hurt her we just walked away... this is not the right thing to do..it confuses and has Kezzie thinking we are desserting her when she needs us the most...so I told her she would need to trust me and I would tell her if they were going to hurt her or not and I would stay where they would let me and be her strength too...this made her calm down with the nurses as my clever little button had already reasoned that anyone in a nurses outfit was going to hurt her and she immediately started crying when they came in the room....I am still asking God why Kezzie ... I am praying more now than I have ever done and trying to understand what is going on... we have determined that Kezzie has not lost her side of the brain where she can understand English and Afrikaans.. we have also seen that when we read to her and turn the book so she can see she follows with us (Kezzie had a passion for reading and maybe this was a blessing...I remember at night when I put them to bed I would get into bed too as there was really nothing for me to do and the house was too quiet so I would get into bed and read and little Nunu would have her book and also would be reading and she kept interupting me to tell her what a word was and the first few times was ok and then I started to loose patience..never again baby ask me all the words you want to know and I will tell them...) I feel so torn my son, Miggie is in the middle of exams and his life has been turned upside down... thank goodness my mom and dad are there to look after him... I dont know how to tear myself in 2 as Kezzie is helpless right now and in his own way Miggie feels helpless emotionally....please God keep my babies safe and give them peace ... and give me Solomon's wise ways to handle this situation...